Overcoming a Dysfunctional Litter
(Note: People instinctively work to keep the anxiety in their environment to a minimum all the time. I’ve read several great articles lately about effective ways to do this. This series is about ineffective ways people deal with their anxiety. If you’ve ever wondered at how some people behave, or what their motivations are, this [...]
“Hanging onto yourself” is a concept that David Schnarch talks about in his relationship guide, The Passionate Marriage. He contends that the health of an intimate relationship is proportional to the participants’ ability to stay focused on their own wants and needs, particularly during times of conflict with each other. Which makes sense, because if we [...]
If I don’t write down my ideas right away, sometimes I forget them. This is what happened with the post I did about Labels a couple of weeks ago. What I said in that post was fine, but it wasn’t what I’d originally intended because what I originally intended had slipped my mind entirely. I [...]
So, another story about Facebook and my Dad. Yesterday, he posted a “Happy Birthday” on my wall–5 days early. I wasn’t sure what to make of it. I know he knows the correct day of my birthday, so why would he do this? My mind went in all sorts of directions. My first feeling was [...]
My partner and I are always seeking to feel “connected” to each other. Sometimes, it’s easy; when we’re both feeling relaxed and happy, or having a good intellectual debate (one of our most enjoyable activities), or just on the same emotional page in general, we fall into a pleasant, happy state with each other. Sometimes, [...]
My dear therapist Richard often used the expression “We’re all just bozos on the bus.” He said this when he felt in danger of being put on a pedestal; of being put in the position of trying to solve my problems for me. He’d say something like, “I can’t fix that for you. I can [...]
One really common bind is people pleasing. But rather than being done to control, as people in positions of power do to their minions, it’s sort of the opposite, often done in reaction to those in control, out of a normal desire to avoid disapproval, rejection, or punishment. It is especially troublesome for people who [...]
I have an ex-boyfriend who liked to say that he was the one who always had to do all the “heavy lifting.” He meant that the brunt of keeping the relationship “on track” was always on him, and he didn’t just mean our relationship. He believed this was true for his relationships with friends, family, [...]
We can never have enough of that which we really do not want.–Eric Hoffer One of the habits of highly effective people, from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey, is to Begin with the end in mind. Mr. Covey starts out the discussion by asking people to think about their funeral–by [...]
When you were little, you were probably taught that when someone gives you a compliment, the appropriate response, regardless of how you feel about it, is “Thank you!” and not “Oh, this old thing?” If you downplay the thing being complimented, you are also denigrating the opinion of the person giving the compliment, which is [...]