Overcoming a Dysfunctional Litter
If we truly desire to reach a better understanding of each other we have to stop demonizing each other and replace hate with hope.–Karen Hughes If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. – Mother Teresa Demonizing goes hand in hand with reactivity. When people are reactive, they are externally focused: [...]
…and not enough in your heart. Thinking about my relatives at my mother’s funeral got me thinking about intellectualizing and what a huge coping skill/defense mechanism it is for so many people. I think in the modern world, a world where faith in science has largely replaced faith in God (even amongst many who consider [...]
“Hanging onto yourself” is a concept that David Schnarch talks about in his relationship guide, The Passionate Marriage. He contends that the health of an intimate relationship is proportional to the participants’ ability to stay focused on their own wants and needs, particularly during times of conflict with each other. Which makes sense, because if we [...]
I recently had another FOO Facebook skirmish. I have a relative (not immediate family) with a very different worldview than mine. When I post something he disagrees with, he makes inflammatory comments, usually in all caps. I don’t know if he’s looking for a fight, trying to shame me into silence, or just a bitter [...]
One of the biggest lessons I learned about personas happened about ten years ago. “Tim” was a brilliant guy, and we quickly bonded around shared intellectual interests. He was a therapist, and he loved his work, so he was always willing to talk with me about my issues and help me sort things out. He [...]
I grew up in a rural area. I didn’t have a lot of other kids to play with. The friend who lived closest to me was about two miles down the road, which, for a little girl with parents who disliked carting her around, may as well have been fifty miles. This changed as we [...]
My sister has many narcissistic traits. She’s controlling–she wants things her way and gets passive-aggressive if she’s “forced” to compromise. She’s entitled–she doesn’t pull over for emergency vehicles (her rationalization: “everybody else does, so why should I?”). She often lacks empathy for people and animals—I’ve seen her be needlessly rude to strangers and kick at [...]
When I was a kid, I was obsessed with all things horse. In one of the hundreds of horse books I read, I remember the phrase “your horse is a mirror of your personality.” It was a caption beneath a photo of a delighted little girl being nuzzled by a gentle giant ten times her [...]
Once again, I’ve come to realize something I thought I’d known for a long time: my FOO (family of origin) will never see me any differently. No matter what I accomplish, no matter where I go or what I do or who I become, they will always acknowledge what fits their existing beliefs about me [...]
My family has always been weird about Christmas gifts. When I was a kid, I always got lots of presents, but I never, ever got what I asked for. One year, I wanted a camera. I got more than twenty gifts, but no camera. Another year, I desperately wanted an Easy Bake Oven. I begged [...]