Brave New Kitty

I’ve been trying to explain the experience of overcoming adversity–how to do it, the best attitude for doing it, and the importance of not worrying about an outcome. None of these have really gotten at what I’m trying to say, which is that you can’t imagine what it’s like on the other side, so don’t try, and don’t let your thinking about it impede your progress in any way.

This might sound like a tautology, but there is simply no way to know what you don’t know. You have ideas, dreams, and fantasies about what it might be like to attain something you really want. But none of these come close to the actual experience. We can prepare ourselves by taking certain actions, trying to have the proper attitude, and put ourselves in the path of the experience we want, but as far as thinking we know what it will feel like when it happens, that is beyond our power. Look at people who chase after fame, then spend their lives hiding from people and resenting how much everybody wants to get close to them. What they thought they wanted turned out to be, in reality, a heavy burden; not necessarily one they’d want to give up, but certainly one they wish they’d had more foresight about and been better equipped to handle.

You might worry that you won’t recognize the good thing when it happens. For the most part, that’s true; you likely will not. But it needn’t concern you, and here’s why. If you are taking care of yourself, trying to do the next right thing, and sowing the seeds of health and happiness, then when good things come along, you will appreciate them instinctively, even if you don’t recognize them immediately. When you begin to move toward the light, good things start to happen. They start slowly, but if you stay on the path, they build, and as they build you develop a better and better feel for what works for you and what doesn’t. This moves you further toward the light, so what you’re doing is creating an upward spiral of good feeling and growth which, despite the bumps along the way, feels so good it keeps you moving in the right direction. Then one day you become aware that you’re not looking at the world the same way anymore, and you’ve solved some problems that once seemed insurmountable, and you realize that the good thing kind of sneaked up on you and sure enough, you didn’t recognize it, but that’s okay because it happened anyway.

You really have to let go not only of a particular outcome, but also of the idea that you’re even capable of recognizing the outcome you want–because chances are, you aren’t! If you’ve never had a thing, then how could you possibly recognize it? Sure, you can recognize the external trappings, but anybody can; they are a tiny fraction of the picture, and a mostly inaccurate one at that. The taste and feel of a thing, the gamut of emotions it evokes in you, its visceral impact, all the stuff that bubbles to the surface because of it, the highs and lows associated with it, the solving of unforeseen problems, the magnificent mysterious details–there is simply no way to recognize, much less understand, these things from an external vantage point. Trying to is a waste of effort.

So what you’re left with, then, is the journey itself, and trying to make the best one that you can, which you do by paying attention to the things you do have some control over: your attitude, your choices, and your actions. That’s the only real option any of us have, anyway, and it is far more important a focus than any particular outcome we might desire.

If you take care of the day-to-day decisions, the others will work themselves out. This doesn’t mean you’ll have endless bliss, as that is not possible. It means that you’ll have the comfort and confidence of knowing you’ve faced your difficulties and the world to the best of your ability, with as much honesty, grace, and earnestness as you’re capable of.

And that, my friends, is a life well-lived, no matter where it leads you.