Brave New Kitty

(Or: The Importance of Being Earnest)

You may choose any way that suits you; your earnestness will determine the rate of progress. — Nisargadatta Maharaj

Making it to the other side of something may be a mystery, but it doesn’t come out of thin air. Positive change happens to people who prepare themselves for it. Forgive the use of a tired old metaphor, but if you want to reap the harvest of change, first you have to sow the seeds. How do you do that?

In The Power of Getting to the Other Side, I talked about a lot of actions that I thought helped me with personal change. While I know these actions were critical, I neglected to mention another very important aspect. I don’t think any of the actions would have worked had I not had one very specific frame of mind underlying them all: earnestness. That is, I truly wanted to change.

This may seem obvious, but it is actually a tricky psychological game a lot of people play with themselves. It’s easy to tell yourself you’re earnest–”Of course I want good things! Of course I want to change for the better! Of course I’m willing to do what it takes!”–and just as easy to believe it. It’s even easy to take offense at the slightest suggestion that it might not be completely true. But if you say you want to change, yet haven’t been able to make much change happen, the chances are good that you’re not as earnest in your desires as you’d like to believe.

If action is the seed of change, then earnestness–defined by Dictionary.com as serious in intention, purpose, or effort–is the soil from which it will spring. If change sprouts from poorly tended soil it will result in weak, spindly stalks lacking the strength to bear much fruit. But if change sprouts from rich, carefully tended soil, it will bear fruit beyond the sower’s wildest dreams. Earnestness, more than anything else, provides rich soil for change.

Why is earnestness so important? For one thing, it indicates desire, and you can’t achieve much of anything in life without desire. Also, earnestness determines how you’ll deal with obstacles and setbacks, and how enthusiastic you’ll remain when these setbacks occur. Most importantly, earnestness puts learning ahead of self-image, ego, and denial; it will eventually break down all barriers to change and leave you with a wide open path toward whatever hopes, dreams and goals you have for yourself. If your desire for change is earnest, nothing can stop you; if your desire is lukewarm, nothing you do will work.

All that’s left, then, is the question of how to gauge your own level of earnestness (which, as I said, can be tricky). The simplest way to do this is to look at what I like to call the Three E’s: effort, engagement, and enthusiasm.

Effort. First, notice how much effort you’re willing to exert. Do you make commitments to yourself to bring about the change you want? If so, do you honor those commitments? Do you put in the work because, even if you’re exhausted or discouraged or depressed, it feels worse not to? How do you spend your free time? (Not that you need to spend every waking moment on self-improvement. Part of self-improvement is being able to enjoy down time without feeling guilty. The point here is to be honest with yourself about your willingness to change.)

Engagement. How engaged are you in the process? Does it interest you? Are you curious about it? Is your inner world a mystery you want to solve? Do you find yourself lost in thought about it and looking forward to opening the next book on the topic? Or do you feel dread at the prospect?

Enthusiasm. Do you enjoy the process? Do you feel energized by it, excited about it, happy to be doing it? Or does it feel like just another chore to add to the list?

Not everything about change is going to feel good. Sometimes it hurts or frightens before it feels better. And not everything you do is going to result in a positive experience or have positive effects; we all take the occasional wrong turn. But within the context of the sometimes painful process of healing and the normal ups and downs of human fallibility, it’s important to be honest with yourself about how earnest your desire for change really is. If you aren’t, you’ll waste a lot of time and energy sowing seeds in bad soil, time and energy that could be better spent doing something you truly enjoy.

See also:
The Means/End Dichotomy

Be Curious