Brave New Kitty

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs. – 12th Step of Alcoholics Anonymous

Spiritual awakening. Psychic change. Moment of clarity. All the phrases that describe conditions for long-term sobriety refer to a transformation that “lifts the mental obsession.” Whether in a 12 Step program or otherwise, the psychic change seems a prerequisite for lasting sobriety. The logical question, then, would be this: if a genuine psychological transformation occurs, can a person drink again? Because such a profound change in outlook would surely result in a breaking of the addictive cycle.

The answer, I believe, is yes. How could it be otherwise if addiction isn’t a disease, but a habit, a coping mechanism, a choice? But because addiction is such a powerful and deeply ingrained habit, it is an extremely qualified yes. A person should be certain he is beyond the grip of his habit before he even considers drinking (substitute any ingestion method or behavior here) again. And to be certain, a person should subject himself to a thorough inventory before he makes any life-altering decisions.

Before deciding whether to drink again, a person should:

Deal with underlying issues (because addiction is a secondary problem).

Addiction is an attempt at self-care gone awry. A person uses drugs, alcohol, or other compulsive behavior to deal with underlying problems that cause overwhelming negative feelings like anxiety, stress, sadness, and anger. The underlying problems can go back a long ways, often to early childhood, and it can take many years and a lot of perseverance to really deal with them. This doesn’t necessarily mean fixing them or making them go away; acceptance is often the best you can do. But genuine acceptance is powerful, and usually enough to move on with one’s life.

I am not suggesting this is easy, or that everyone follows a similar path. But an earnest desire to deal with issues, however that looks to each individual, should be enough to get there eventually.

Have the feelings he’s been avoiding.

Feeling unpleasant feelings is not an easy process, either. If we learn at an early age to push down overwhelming emotions, un-learning that can involve an entire overhaul (a process difficult to pinpoint as every individual is unique). Help from supportive people is essential, and if we lacked supportive people in our childhood—often one of the underlying reasons for addiction—it can sometimes take awhile to figure out what supportive even means! So again, this can be a long, difficult process, and certainly not one to take lightly. But to avoid it is to leave a major part of the addictive cycle unaddressed, making another addictive cycle likely.

Develop more effective ways to deal with anxiety.

To overcome addiction, you must develop new methods of dealing with negative thoughts, negative feelings, and anxiety. This goes further than understanding underlying issues. This is about having tools to deal with these problems in the present, as they come up in everyday life. Part of this is dealing with the past so old triggers don’t have the power they once did. But it’s equally important to develop strategies for dealing with problems that used to make you drink. For example, you develop a support system of safe people so instead of drinking when you’re upset, you can call somebody to talk about your feelings. Or you create a plan to do anything else when the urge strikes: go to a movie, go for a walk, eat, treat yourself to something you wouldn’t normally buy or do.

The important thing is that the new ways of dealing with triggers are so thoroughly integrated into your life that they become second nature, in the same way the addiction once was.

Create a satisfying life.

Once an addict has dealt with underlying issues, come to terms with the unpleasant feelings he’s been trying to avoid, and developed new habits for dealing with anxiety, he’s on the road to creating a good life for himself. He begins to think in terms of moving forward, of what he wants: love from a supportive partner, a career, children, education; whatever makes him feel happy and complete.
Creating the life you want is the key to drinking again in moderation. When a person has more positives than negatives in his life and has addressed underlying issues, the pull of addiction loses its power. Priorities change. A person thinks through consequences before engaging in behavior that could put his good life at risk. The smarter choices become the easier choices. Drinking is something done in social situations or having a glass of wine with a meal, nothing more. As obvious as this sounds, the disease view of addiction so prevalent in our culture makes it difficult to see. But it’s true, and people all over the world have walked away from addictive behavior on their own, essentially because they’ve outgrown it and moved on to more productive things. You could call this attrition or simply growing up, but whatever name you give it, a shift in priorities and some sense of personal satisfaction was all it took for them to move beyond the addictive cycle.

Certainly this is easier for some than it is for others, but the point is that having something you want to keep is the best way to break the addictive cycle once and for all.

Finally, ask himself why he wants to drink again.

If a person has overcome an addiction and created a good life for himself, he should analyze very carefully any desire to drink again. The reasons should have nothing to do with quelling inner turmoil or avoiding feelings. And this is tricky, because all human beings have layers and layers of feelings, and those feelings never stop surfacing no matter how far along we are in our growth process. So it’s easy to delude ourselves into thinking we’re doing one thing when we’re really doing another. And it’s important to take all of this into consideration, and to get the counsel of someone you respect, before making the decision to drink again.

All that said, the biggest reason to drink again should be because you want to. I know that’s a heretical thing to say, but I truly believe addiction is a personal choice and that if a person chooses to use substances (or behaviors) responsibly, he can. The feeling of empowerment that comes from doing so, when you once viewed yourself as a helpless victim, can be tremendous. More importantly, that paradigm shift—from helpless victim to autonomous agent—carries over to other aspects of life, and serves well a person’s sense of responsibility, accomplishment, and determination. Somewhat ironically, responsible use of drugs and alcohol can be as empowering as abstinence once was.

Drinking again is not a decision to be taken lightly, and these are but a few of the things to consider when making that decision. This is not meant to be an exhaustive list, but rather, an outline of basic requirements. The important thing is that you’re honest with yourself about your intentions and act accordingly. Total abstinence is not a bad thing; it’s definitely the safest way to avoid complex decisions that could have devastating consequences if not well thought through. However, abstinence can be limiting, particularly if it means viewing ourselves as victims of a nonexistent disease and using scare tactics to keep ourselves from doing what we really want. Such a worldview keeps us unnecessarily tethered, and is never conducive to further growth.