Brave New Kitty

Life is too short to spend not feeling good about ourselves. Unfortunately, most of us struggle with negative feelings and beliefs on a fairly regular basis. We get mad at ourselves or other people. We feel guilty, we feel ashamed, we hang onto fears, resentments, and guilt. Somehow, feeling bad about ourselves has come to be the norm and feeling good about ourselves the exception. If you doubt this, name five traits you love about yourself and five traits you hate about yourself. Which is easier? I rest my case…

Our childhood conditioning, be it Protestant stoicism or Catholic guilt, encourages this negative self-image. Inadvertently, perhaps, but it’s definitely there: the sin of pride got all mixed up with self-love. But self-love is not sinful, nor is it prideful. Self-love does not indicate a lack of humility, and it is not narcissistic. Self-love is our birthright; it’s a healthy, natural state, and without it, we die on the vine. We must learn to love ourselves unconditionally if we have any shot whatsoever at happiness. For without self-love, everything else we do is largely pointless.

Learning to love yourself unconditionally can be a lot of work. That said, there is a simple exercise you can do to feel better about yourself almost instantly, and it takes just a few minutes a day. It’s a powerful practice that can be done pretty much anytime, anywhere, under almost any circumstances. It’s a priceless addition to your personal development toolbox.

Pick one of the following and do it for 3-5 minutes:

• Recite a positive affirmation of your own choosing.
• Send positive energy and good wishes to someone you’re angry at (a Buddhist practice called Metta sutra).
• Look at a picture of yourself as a child, and tell her how much you love her and how much she deserves to be happy and that you’ll do whatever you can to bring her happiness.
• Call a friend and tell her you love her.
• Forgive yourself for whatever you’re mad at yourself about. If you don’t really feel it, go through the motions until you do (that is, for 3-5 minutes a day until you’ve forgiven yourself completely). And remember, you can—and should—forgive yourself unconditionally.
• Do something kind, but do it anonymously. If you tell someone, it doesn’t count.
• Allow yourself five minutes to do absolutely nothing productive, necessary, or work-related and simply daydream and muse to your heart’s content.
• Stretching, isometric exercises, or a short walk (during which you can focus on any of the above).

When you’re done, congratulate yourself for taking time out for self-nurturing, then go on about your day. Do it at least once, and not more than 3 times during your workday. Any more than that could be too distracting.

How do you decide which to do? It depends on what you’re working on. If you’re working through anger, for example, sending positive thoughts and good wishes to someone can do miracles for your frame of mind. If you’re trying to form better health habits, then you may want to stretch or walk. The easiest way to decide, though, is to do what you want; do what feels right, what will bring you the most pleasure and satisfaction. The only rule is that it must be something loving and nurturing to your spirit.

With that in mind, here are some things to avoid:

• Playing video games.
• Surfing the Internet aimlessly.
• Watching television.
• Spending money.
• Treating yourself to unhealthy food.

Do you see the difference between activities that nurture your spirit and those that don’t?

“Five minutes a day” is not in lieu of other work, but in addition to it. It isn’t meant to take the place of therapy or sobriety or journaling or any of the other hard work necessary to love ourselves and to grow. It’s like icing on the personal development cake. It’s a little gift we give ourselves each day; the gift of self-nurturing.

Done regularly, “five minutes a day” will slowly shift a negative mindset to a positive one as affirmations become ingrained habits and beliefs. Thus, this practice provides both instantaneous relief and long-term results. It’s one of the simplest, most beneficial acts of self-love you can perform.